With somewhere around 50% of marriages not lasting a lifetime, moving on after divorce is a dilemma that millions of Canadians are faced with. Getting divorced is rarely a happy experience, so a lot of the moving on process is about dealing with what has happened and recovering from the stress.
That said, moving on after divorce is possible, and you always have another shot at finding love and romance.
Here are our top tips for getting back out there into the dating world:
1. Give yourself time
It’s easy to feel like you are ready to dive into something new, but it’s incredibly hard to move on after cheating. In this sort of situation, you need to allow yourself time to heal and mourn the loss of your marriage so that you are in a positive headspace to start a new partnership.
Many recently divorced people also feel a great sense of loss, and when you still love him, this can take a long time to get over.
Usually, when a marriage has ended in divorce, those feelings are dependency and a habitual reliance on having a partner around, so it’s a case of breaking habits and getting used to your new-found independence.
2. Decide what you want from your new love life
Perhaps you want something completely different from your ex-spouse. Or, maybe you have learned some lessons and want to start moving on after divorce with a fresh perspective on life.
Whatever you decide, try to get a clear picture of what you are seeking. This might be a casual relationship to have a bit of fun – you don’t need to get married again straight away, or ever if you decide not to!
3. Enjoy spending some time by yourself
When you still love him or think you do, it might be worthwhile to enjoy some time as a single person and reconnect with friends and family who have known you outside of your marriage.
One of the tricky parts of moving on after divorce is when you share mutual friends with your ex, but try not to cut people out of your life that you care about. If people are worth having around, they’ll not pick sides but maintain relationships with you both.
4. Work on any residual trust issues
Particularly if you’re trying to move on after cheating, it is essential not to harbor resentment feelings that can carry these issues over to a new date. Not all people are the same, and if you’ve been cheated on or mistreated, you need to understand that this reflects on your ex, not on any new date you might go on.
Sometimes speaking to friends is enough; sometimes, you might want a change of scenery to clear your head or benefit from counselling to work through those issues and rid yourself of the negative emotions.
5. Think about how to move on after divorce as a man
Divorce is an emotional experience, and often men find it more challenging to express their feelings and shed the burden of grief that goes along with it. Talk to people you trust, clear out your exes’ belongings, let everyone important to you know what has happened, and perhaps take a break.
Sometimes a change is as good as a rest and can act as a reset, ready for you to begin the next phase of your life.
6. When you’re ready, start dating
There is never a set timetable to start dating – but whenever you feel ready, or fancy a bit of excitement and fun, it’s never a wrong time to get back out there!
If you are a mature person and want to move on, then a senior dating site can be a great place to start. Many singles online have experienced divorce and can therefore appreciate your circumstances, and there are thousands of people seeking meaningful relationships and partners.
Online Dating as a Divorcee
You’ll find a vast mixture of people looking for long-term relationships and flirting online. It’s wise to check out reviews before deciding which site to join, and having a browse so that you feel comfortable you’ve found the right platform for the sort of partnership you’re looking for.
Casual hook-up websites are perfect if you want a sexy fling or a hot date, but don’t yet feel ready to commit to anything more serious!